Only say the Word and I shall be Healed

It is 3:09a and yes, I am still up.

I'm tired, but I know that if I sleep, it will all just happen again.

The swelling.

I am still having to deal with swelling when I sleep at night. I don't want to sleep because it'll just get back on that dreaded cycle again. I really wish the swelling would go away. The electrocautery back in December really traumatized my tongue, because almost six months later and I am still swelling.

When I was discharged back in October, it took almost two months to get me back to normal.. well, my normal. I was able to speak comfortably, clearly and eat with ease. Then I decided that I should get cauterized because I was bleeding way too much. What I should have done was stay away from the electrocautery and stuck to the old-fashioned cautery on a qtip. And sorry to get graphic, but there were parts under my tongue that would soak up three, sometimes four gauzes. So I was willing and open to give electrocautery a chance.

I was so concerned with becoming anemic again and having to get a third blood transfusion. So I got cauterized, which this time served as a detriment. Well it was bittersweet, so to say. The bleeding stopped. However, the swelling went back to its routine.

I sleep.

My tongue swells.

I wake up swollen.

Swelling decreases as the day moves on.

And the cycle repeats itself.

Frankly, I have gotten very frustrated. I noticed that I am a crabbier person. I don't do anything around the house. I do not have the energy to organize or clean. I know that I am lazy, but this really is pretty ridiculous. There is so much clutter in my house that I can barely stand it, but yet I do nothing. I wish that wasn't so, but my condition is awfully hard to tolerate.

Last week, my AIM away message that I wrote read, "I have to remember to count my blessings." That I certainly need to do because as of right now, I am sitting here upright on my contour cushion in bed, still wishing I didn't have this swelling problem.

But I think about those who are far less fortunate, even sicker than myself, that I really have no right to complain.

Oh dear God, only say the Word and I shall be healed.

It hurts to cry right now. Literally, my right temple hurts when I cry.

Why are you crying?, you ask.

Today, my friend's dad passed away. As soon as my friend found it he was in critical condition, she flew out to him. He passed away this afternoon.

This makes me sad because I don't see my dad as often as I want to. I feel that, while I am an adult, I still need my dad present in my life. I wish he would make time to see me, his grandkids. We are all not getting any younger, especially my babies. I want them to know who their Lolo is.

In addition to thinking about dads, I just finished watching a crier; Patch Adams. We all know this movie is based on a true story. And what a phenomenal story he is.

I am most sad of him losing the love of his life. Incredible tragedy that was. I mean, they had just hit their breaking point. It's sooo sad that it was then her life was taken. I know that this was part of her Master plan, but I can't help but think of what could've been and that just makes me sad.

I'm so emotional right now.

Padres Teacher's Appreciation Night

What a great night!

We arrived at the VIP entrance to meet Ashford University president, Ashford University Dean, the past two recipients and the three other recipients of the scholarship. Ironically enough, I had a connection with two of the other recipients. Jay happened to be a colleague from another school I taught at and Tiffany happened to be a fella Alpha Chi from college. It was nice, too, to be able to talk to the past scholarship recipients, Dan & Lindsey, about their experiences this past year in the program. Nicely enough, they will be completely done in six weeks. To hear that they are close to completion was great, because I anticipate being done next year as well. On top of that, Ashford University president mentioned that this year's local San Diego graduates flew to Iowa to walk with the remainder of their graduating class!

Following our introductions, we entered the gate so that the Pad Squad could give us our credentials to go on the field. Courtesy of Padres and Donovan's, I was given a gift bag that included:
* Padres coin
* Padres flag/banner
* Padres hat
* $150 gc to Donovan's

Awesome huh! We were escorted on the field where we were placed in order of presentation. A group photo was taken before they announced and presented all of San Diego County 2008 Teachers of the Year. Cool because I got to see another colleague from the school I first taught at.

It was then our turn and we were asked to stand at home base and lo and behold, who do I see?! Matty!! A friend from college (Yes Jenna Benna, our Matty!). He happened to be shooting the game and he even came up to me and gave me a hug. Awwww, I miss that guy! It was so nice to see him. He has always been sooo sweet. Anyway, it was cool that he was the videographer.

Following my mini-reunion, we were then announced and presented a framed certificate of our scholarship award. Thank you again to my principal and colleagues; Joyce, Rick, Tram, Elaine & Gabi for their letters of recommendations for my application.

After the presentation, we were then escorted off the field and directed to the Western Metal Box Seats. Food and drinks at our leisure, a great view AND the Padres WON!!! And my sweet mommy brought me a bouquet of stargazers that I now have in my classroom. Smells and looks beautiful!

It was definitely a great night to be a Teacher in San Diego, especially for this one! Thank you to my family, friends and colleagues that came out to the game and cheered me on! Thank you to my siblings, my sister especially, for watching the babes throughout the evening. Thank you to all congratulatory ims, emails, and texts. I appreciate your kind words and support! I could certainly use them as I go through this program!

Inactivity this past month

I haven't blogged in almost a month... not cool!

Anyway, I am blogging now even though I should really be sleeping because I've got to be out the door by 7a tomorrow.. or later this morning.

I didn't even get to blog on Nakia's birthday.. awww ;*( I gotta tell ya though, she looked super cute on her day.. SIX different outfits! That was so dang fun!

In addition to Naki's party, I just spent a whole week at school for rehearsals for Pilipino Culture Night (PCN)! Thankfully, all done, but they did a great job. Wished, however, they were more appreciative of my time and effort. Being an advisor feels like a thankless job. But then, that's a whole other blog.

So I shall snuggle between my sheets and see ya when I see ya.. probably tomorrow.. or later.. haha.