It is 3:09a and yes, I am still up.
I'm tired, but I know that if I sleep, it will all just happen again.
The swelling.
I am still having to deal with swelling when I sleep at night. I don't want to sleep because it'll just get back on that dreaded cycle again. I really wish the swelling would go away. The electrocautery back in December really traumatized my tongue, because almost six months later and I am still swelling.
When I was discharged back in October, it took almost two months to get me back to normal.. well, my normal. I was able to speak comfortably, clearly and eat with ease. Then I decided that I should get cauterized because I was bleeding way too much. What I should have done was stay away from the electrocautery and stuck to the old-fashioned cautery on a qtip. And sorry to get graphic, but there were parts under my tongue that would soak up three, sometimes four gauzes. So I was willing and open to give electrocautery a chance.
I was so concerned with becoming anemic again and having to get a third blood transfusion. So I got cauterized, which this time served as a detriment. Well it was bittersweet, so to say. The bleeding stopped. However, the swelling went back to its routine.
I sleep.
My tongue swells.
I wake up swollen.
Swelling decreases as the day moves on.
And the cycle repeats itself.
Frankly, I have gotten very frustrated. I noticed that I am a crabbier person. I don't do anything around the house. I do not have the energy to organize or clean. I know that I am lazy, but this really is pretty ridiculous. There is so much clutter in my house that I can barely stand it, but yet I do nothing. I wish that wasn't so, but my condition is awfully hard to tolerate.
Last week, my AIM away message that I wrote read, "I have to remember to count my blessings." That I certainly need to do because as of right now, I am sitting here upright on my contour cushion in bed, still wishing I didn't have this swelling problem.
But I think about those who are far less fortunate, even sicker than myself, that I really have no right to complain.
Oh dear God, only say the Word and I shall be healed.
3 comments:
girrrlllll... that sucks, truly! do you swell even when you sleep in your contour pillow? don't worry about the clutter... worry about you! i know your family will survive the clutter, as long as they have you! xoxo
Yes I still swell sleeping upright on my contour pillow :*(.
But Thank you J! That means a ton. You always said the most perfect things at these times!
I was definitely having one of those moments, unfortunately now more often then ever.
I still pray.
Im sorry you are so uncomfortable Cat. I'm a night owl....if you need company, Im here....
I'll say a prayer for you. I have been doing alot of that lately.
Hope you can find some confort soon.
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